Ep. 236 Winter Surrender: Finding the Light as the Weary Soul Rejoices

Or Subscribe on iTunes

Other spirit-infused episodes to keep you company this Christmas:

~ Ep. 228 The Art of Letting Go and Divine Surrender with Brett Larkin

~ Ep. 119 Katie’s Christmas Special: Cosmic Jesus Anointing

Episode 236 Transcript:

It's your girl, your Ayurveda gal, Friday, Katie Silcox, coming to you. I'm twinkling. I'm spiriting. I'm Christmas feeling. I'm just here. I'm here with you. And I want to wish everyone out there a Merry Christmas, if you celebrate it. And if you don't, a Happy Holidays. A Happy Hanukkah. A Happy Kwanzaa. A Happy Winter Solstice.

You are alive.

It is the darkest time of the year. And in the darkest time of the year, we have to remember the light, don't we? And last night, I wrote an email about one of my all-time favorite Christmas carols, Oh, Holy Night. And there's a line in that beautiful carol that says, Oh, Holy Night.

Divine Surrender

It talks about surrender and divine, divine surrender. And there's this moment when we finally give it up, you know, and in the carol, it says fall on your knees. And I just, I want you to kind of feel what that feels like in your body. You may even kneel down to pray. And I know for me, there's this moment and it's so beautiful. It's like, it's like the best moments of the, of the week, of the month, of the years for me. And it's like this divine, holy recognition. And there's a quality of falling on the knees because that's all about letting the ego die and letting our heart open to the things about ourselves that we can't see. I mean, that's what a blind spot is, right? And so fall on your knees.

It's such an important moment in our psychology. And I want to read you a few more lines from the hymn, from the carol. And it says the soul felt its worth. The soul felt its worth. Holy moly, madre mia, right? How many of you out there, raise your hand, would think your life would be a little bit different if you walked around the day feeling like your soul could feel its worth. And this is an energy that I've been really interested in lately.

Feeling Your Worthiness

This idea of wealth, worthiness, richness versus, because this is what it feels like. It feels like a dichotomy, a paradox or a setup of opposition. And the opposite feeling is poverty. One of the hardest things for me to feel and really feel like I jump off of it. Like a frog in boiling water is the feeling of being inadequate. The feeling of being worthless, of not being chosen. And that stuff shows up in my life everywhere. And it's sneaky and it's covert. And my psyche, like a lot of you out there, like I would say everyone, creates remarkable strategies for hopping off of that particular feeling.

I really think that everything we see in our lives that is painful and suffering and tragedy, a lot of it, at least on the psychological, emotional, relational realm, comes from this big secret that we all feel like we have. And that is, I don't feel adequate. I don't feel worthy. I don't feel rich in the sense of richness of heart. I don't feel chosen. I don't feel wanted.

The soul felt its worth is that moment when you finally feel like you deserve love like anyone else, like you actually are something of immense value. That is what Oh Holy Night is about. It's about falling to your knees and letting all these old ideas and perspectives and versions of yourselves die in the darkest night of the year to plant the seeds of who you could possibly become.

Becoming More Yourself by Surrendering

Guess what? We want you to become. But the great irony is you all mystics out there know when you become, you realize you're just becoming what you already really were underneath all the shrouds. And the next line I want to share with you is the weary soul rejoices.

There's this great phrase in Buddhism where I don't remember the exact way it was said, but it's something like when you feel completely and utterly weary and exhausted on the level of your soul, it is now the time for rejoicing. It's like, hallelujah, I have finally fallen to my knees. It's like I'm yelling uncle at the gods, right? And it's in that moment where we really are softened by how hard it is to be a human.

The weary soul rejoices when finally I lay down all the weapons, all the defenses, all the strategies. For me, I want to share a big one, and I'm sharing it, it's not super fun, but I'm going to share it with you. Because I know there are so many of you out there that may resonate and that may support you.

Overvaluing the Intellect

And that is the strategy of being very analytical. Raise your hand if you overthink, overanalyze, overevaluate the evaluative mind. And it's not that that's bad.

It's just that so often for me, it's like I go straight to the intellect and I like to talk about it. I like to talk about it with my friends and especially like to talk about it with my boyfriend. It's like, I want to like, you know, I want to talk about us.

Like there's nothing wrong with talking about stuff, right? Talking about us, talking about your needs, talking, talking, talking. But sometimes it's a strategy that keeps me from feeling how, how scary it is to be loved and to be close to someone and how terrifying it is to be alive, to be human, to be in this world where the only thing that's true and forever is that things always are changing. Fall on your knees and hear the angel voices.

This past year of my life was banana sandwich, the year of the snake, the shedding, the burning, the sloughing, the exfoliation of everything that is not essential for me. And I know probably for many of you, 2025 was yet another experience of shedding skin. For me, it's felt like a constant lesson in, in loss, grief and yes, total and utter heartbrokenness.

Falling to Our Knees in Surrender

I wonder if it is in those moments when we finally fall to our knees in the loss, in the dreams that actually don't come true and that we're able to actually feel there's a certain freedom. I was about to say pleasure in being able to let go. We fall on our knees.

We have to. If we ever want to have any hope of standing up strong again of in the Christian tradition of resurrection and this time in this time of our Christian tradition and this idea of birth, right? Of the birth of something sacred. It's all here in that song.

It's when we feel our most small, our tiniest, that little manger in the cold, darkest night and the falling snow, our most befallen, the manger, this place of, of dirt and animals and hay and poverty. We can finally hear the voices of the angels. Something new is being reborn.

Death as a Teacher

There's a child, a knowingness breaks through all of that suffering and inner poverty and brokenness and cold, cold, dark night of the soul. And in that letting go, there is generative life, everlasting life. The Buddha said it too. He said, death is my teacher. I don't want any of you to die today. I don't want to die today. It's going to happen. But Buddha was not talking about his body. He was talking about his mind.

And so I invite us all today and in this season to let ourselves open to that feeling of falling, to that feeling of surrendering, to that feeling of not actually knowing anything. And in that, there is this great, great revelation that's possible. I know this may initially taste a little depressing.

It's like, wait, I want to focus on the light in the season of darkness. But the more we're able to actually open to what's hard, to let go of how we think things are or how they should be, our soul, as that song so beautifully says, can finally feel its worth. And this is a worthiness beyond anything outside.

When we can finally acknowledge by falling on our knees that we're not in control, nothing is forever, we are making offerings to the sacred mystery of life. We are rescued from our suffering. We are blessed by God.

Rebirth and Finding the Light

And then this amazing thing can start to happen again. And that's the birth, right? The juiciness, the excitement, the life, the life everlasting can flow back into our arteries and light can illuminate our darkened veins. This is the mystical holy.

This is the time right now of the divine night, where the Christ within us can be born again and again and again to be born again. With each gesture of surrender, we have this possibility of entering back into the gates of the holy. And I want you to know that no matter where you're from, no matter what you look like, no matter who you vote for, no matter who your mommy is and your daddy is, we want to be a home for you, a spiritual home.

It's a place of spiritual sovereignty, meaning you and the way you experience your own body and your own energy and your own mind and your own path to the divine. It is sacred. Here at Shakti school, we offer this orientation as we gear up right now, less than a month away.

I cannot believe it for our mega event. It starts in a few weeks. It is in this course of level one Ayurveda school where we hold space for you to deepen your life of spirit.

Plus all the great juicy lady Ayurveda lifestyle, nutrition and beyond. So listen up. I definitely cannot promise that 2026 will be a perfect year, but I do know it is the year of the horse galloping forward.

2026 is Big Ashwagandha Energy

Let's go! Let's do it. Strength, stamina, ashwagandha energy. Big ashwagandha energy, baby girl. Are you with me? If you're like, what is ashwagandha? It is an herb. It was a joke for you Ayurveda dorks. Ashwagandha means the strength of a thousand stallions. Baby girl, I'm ready.

Who is ready for 2026 to be the year of a big, strong steed? I feel my legs tingling. I'm on the horse. I'm squeezing onto the horse. Let's go. This is 2026.

So I cannot promise you that the year will be perfect. I can't promise you that our course is going to be a place free from loss or pain. It's just not possible.

An Invitation to Join Ayurveda School

What I can say is that I have seen thousands of women who have gone through our program learn how to live a more surrendered, joyful experience. That's my goal in this life. And if you are intrigued and you're like Katie Silcox, I've been listening to this podcast for days, for months, for years, and I still haven't joined level one.

Girl, now's the time. I want to see your face in Zoom. I can't wait to be with you.

Help Us Spread Our Pod Wings!

Did you love today's deep dive into the power of surrender? If you love the show and want a free and easy way to help it grow, the most effective way you can help is to:

1. Subscribe to the show by clicking “subscribe” in iTunes or wherever you get your podcasts
2. Write us a review
3. Share this episode with a friend right now!

It seems simple, but you’d be AMAZED to know how much it helps my little love project reach more people. Podcast app algorithms use ratings and reviews to determine what shows to suggest to others.

From my heart to yours,

Katie