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Self-Love? How About We Start With SELF-LIKE

The biggest epidemic we face right now is the sickness of our lack of loving ourselves. I hear about it all the time in my line of work. And as I read the millionth blog post about self-love, I take pause. I think a much better place to start is self-like. You can’t fall in love until you fall in like.

Last week, a gorgeous, talented, 20-something woman asked me if I thought she was beautiful. She felt so ugly. Fat. She asked me if I thought she’d ever make something of herself. If I believed in her…I looked at her, mouth-agape. How is the beauty butterfly not landing on this child’s heart? How is the beyond-obviousness of her beauty escaping her?

But I know why.

Inside all of us lives a tiny little wounded bunny. The proverbial Inner child.

This stuff is so real. Until we actively begin to engage with this creature….like it, snuggle it, ask it what it needs,

get to know it, can we ever hope to truly love it and integrate it. There is so much talk in the spiritual world on transcending. Just get over it. But you can’t get over it until you’ve gone through it. Felt it. Healed it through an intimacy that combines the Love Witness with the Wounded One. That love session creates the alchemical fuel needed to burn and rise.

Self-love can be defined by how capacious we are at actually liking our funny, quirky, silly little inner child. Self-love happens when we know where she/he got hurt, and we remain SUPER gentle with those places (without letting them run the show).

When I was little I would hide peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in my piano bench. I used to hate that little kid and would get mad as she showed up in me as an adult. Why can’t “hide peanut butter sandwich girl just go away!?” I did not like her. In fact, I hated her.

My first step towards healing was a full-on shamanic love fest with her. I had to SEE her. See her geeky glasses, her braces, her chubby fingers, her broken heart that longed to be comforted and understood. I had to be with the fact that she needed soothing. She was a little girl. And she wasn’t getting that soothing from the people that she wanted it from the most. Ergo, peanut butter.

Today I can honestly share that I like that chubby girl. She has mad piano playing skills. She still eats peanut butter. She’s not perfect. She’s emotional. And I like that about her. I’ve worked hard to keep her alive in a world that so often destroys innocence.

Beloved friend – what parts of yourself have you kicked out of your own heart?

Join us in Ayurveda School. I’ll teach you how to fall in like with these unintegrated spaces. And who knows, maybe even fall in love…

~Katie

Fire and Nectar: Creating Balance the Tantric Way

I’ve experimented a lot lately, really looking into how to be a balanced lady.

On one hand, I like to dance. I like to dance hard. Like a wild African trance-healer. And on the other hand, I like to sit still. I meditate like a silent sturdy mountain and I feel like Shiva’s best student (or even better, his consort). On one hand, I like to laugh – loudly. I like to run through trees and make love. On the other hand, I know I need to lay down, rub my self in oil and get intimate with my deep belly breath.

Being a yogini means you can KNOW and to DISCERN when you need to be a wild African trance dancer. And when you need to sit in the silence of the present moment.

Most systems of organizing the universe – including Ayurveda, Tantra, and Traditional Chinese medicine – understand this dyad as the two polarity-forces permeating all of nature. The Tantrics referred to these forces as Agni and Soma. The Ayurvedically-inclined called this duo Brahmana and Langhana. The Chinese called it Yin and Yang. You can call it, as does my dear friend and mentor, Dr. Claudia Welch, Ginger and Fred.

You see, the words don’t matter. It’s the way in which we begin to see these two polarities in our own life that will bring insight. For the sake of ease (and because I like saying the word “nectar,”) let’s use Dr. David Frawley’s terms – agni (fire) and soma (nectar).

Agni

What is agni? Agni means fire. It is both living and conceptual, metaphorical and practical. Fire is transformational. It is the eater, the enjoyer, and is related to your Spirit as a transforming process. It is related to pitta dosha, purity, digestion, clarity of mind. On the hormonal level, it is related to our stress hormones, and our need for activation and stimulation.

How do I build agni? Through things like asana, cleansing techniques (diet), bhanda, tapas, tejas, certain pranayamas and meditations that bring more focus and silence.

Soma

What is soma? Soma means nectar. It is both living and conceptual, metaphorical and practical. Soma is related to earth and water. It is what is eaten and what is enjoyed. It is the body and the moon. It is related to the kapha dosha and to our core vital essences. It is the nectar and enjoyment of life’s experiences. It is the rasa, the lymph fluids, the immune system, our sexual fluids and the subtle electro-watery secretions of the nervous system from brain to root. It is the Divine Spirit linking all creatures in the “flow of bliss.” In the endocrine system, it is related to our sexual hormones.

How do I build soma? Dr. Frawley says, “When the mind is still and calm like a mountain lake, it will produce its own inner soma.” Inner soma is built through re-attuning to natural wisdom, meditation, mantra, and the descent of “grace” that comes through stillness and silence. Outer somas can be built through balanced sensory enjoyment, the flow of releasing stagnant emotion, through imbibing sacred plant essences (herbs and diet), smells (incense, oils and other aromatics), ritual, and restorative yoga.

~Katie

Photos by Naomi Huober

How to Get Sexy Skin and Feel Like a Goddess

Ayurveda says that self-massage is essential for radiant health and youthful glow. Why?

Whether you make time for a quick foot massage before bed, or you can get into the routine of a deep 10-20 minute self massage before your shower, massaging with our Ayurvedic, herb-infused oils will better your daily life by ridding you of accumulated toxins and coating your body with a layer of love. In fact, the word for oil in Sanskrit is sneha, or “love.”

There are other significant benefits of doing self-massage with good oils.

Here are some to try:

Vata Massage Oil: This rejuvenating oil is a synergistic blend of nine herbs, including ashwagandha, bala and passionflower. The certified organic herbs nourish and ground vata, supporting vitality and vigor. Vata Massage Oil is made from a base of organic sesame and olive oils. These oils warm and lubricate the delicate vata system. Ayurveda highly recommends a daily self-massage to restore calm and provide strength.

Sleep Easy Oil: This calming oil brings you powerful Ayurvedic herbs that promote healthy sleep patterns and deep rest and relaxation. Healthy sleep patterns are crucial as they allow the body to restore and rejuvenate while letting the mind process, learn and de-stress. This cooling and soothing formula is intended to be used with the traditional method of head and foot massage at night before going to bed. Application to the head, temples and soles of the feet helps ground the light and mobile nature of vata and balance the sharp and active nature of pitta, promoting the heavier qualities needed for sleep. The blend is in a base of four organic oils, which come together to bring nourishment, subtle warmth for penetration, and gentle cooling for relaxation. Sleep Easy Oil is then finished with a hint of jasmine and chamomile flowers, bringing soothing scents with ever so mild floral notes. Massage this oil into your head and feet and for a rejuvenating night of rest.

Mahanarayan Oil: Based on an ancient Ayurvedic recipe that delivers powerful muscle and joint targeting herbs in a base of certified organic sesame oil. A nourishing and strengthening oil with rejuvenating and analgesic qualities, it is used to soothe sore muscles and tendons, supporting an active lifestyle and preventing over-use damage. In Ayurvedic terms, Mahanarayan Oil is particularly good for rehabilitating those suffering from disorders due to high vata, supporting rejuvenation of joints affected by wear and tear, joint space narrowing, and synovial fluid dehydration.

The oil can be applied locally to areas where there is physical discomfort. It may also be diluted with a base oil and used in deep-tissue massage.

~Katie

Eat Well

That you are what you eat may be standard wisdom, but according to Ayurvedic tradition, the state of your mind, emotions, and your environment while you eat also has direct impact on the way you feel. These teachings (as well as modern scientific nutrition studies), show us that eating in the right way can reduce stress and promote calm.

The ancient yogis taught that one of the first and most important of spiritual practices was food sadhana, the art and discipline of what, when, where, why and how we put food into our bodies.

For physical, emotional, and mental health, it may not be enough to just load up on organic fruits, veggies, and grains. Even if we eat super-healthful food, if we consume mindlessly, eat in a rush, or shovel it in while texting or similarly distracted, the body can’t settle into its digestive processes. And if we eat while feeling sad, angry, or under significant stress, the digestive fire gets weakened, and instead of feeling satisfied, the mind will feel disturbed post-digestion.

Here are 10 simple Ayurvedic tips for cultivating calm-body nutritional habits:

Prepare your food with love. The energy of the cook is always in the food. Avoid eating meals that may have been prepared in anger or resentment. Ayurveda understands that we not only eat the food, but also the emotions of the chef. So, if you are angry or distracted and can’t seem to focus, put down the kitchen knife, pick up the phone, and order some yummy take-out instead.

Awaken to your food. Begin to bring consciousness to your eating habits. As you are preparing the food, sense that you are offering it up to your divine self. Tune into the smell of freshly baked bread, the color of sunny turmeric, or the texture of jasmine rice in your hands, even before you taste the flavors of the food.

Tune into nature. When we eat, we are not only consuming the food on our plate but also the stimulus in our environment. According to Ayurveda, the impressions we take in through the senses can disturb the mind and hinder digestion. If you are watching television or reading the newspaper, you are “ingesting through your eyes,” causing prana to move out and not inward where it needs to be for proper digestion. It is highly recommended that you eat in or near to nature. If that’s not practical, even placing houseplants within view of your table will help. Of course, birds and flowing streams are an added bonus.

Savor the chewing. Take time to chew your food slowly, until it becomes an even consistency. Ayurvedic practitioners recommend chewing each bite of food 30-50 times so that you begin to break down the food in the mouth before it travels the rest of the digestive tract. Complete chewing allows complex carbohydrates, sugars, oils, proteins, and other minerals to reach maximum levels of absorption.

Make eating a ritual. Pause for a moment as you sit down to eat, mindful of what you’re doing and where your food came from. Possibly offer up a prayer of gratitude for all the people, animals, plants, and Universal forces that brought the meal to your plate.

Let it digest. Following your meals, take some time to relax to let your food digest before going on to your next activity. Even if it’s just for 5 minutes, it is helpful to take a small pause between your meal and the next activity. One of my Ayurveda teachers in India offers this easy little ditty for remembering a post-digestion ritual:“After lunch, rest a while. After dinner, walk a moon-lit mile.” And allow at least three hours between meals to allow your food to fully digest. If you feel hungry, sip herbal tea.

Stop before you’re full. This is easier to gauge when you eat mindfully and slowly. When you overeat, you weaken agni, or digestive fire. Whatever you don’t digest will turn into accumulated toxins in the gut. This has a dramatic impact on how you feel physically and mentally.

Take a lunch break. Make lunch the largest meal of the day, and take time to eat it. Digestion is strongest around mid-day, when the sun is at its peak. The body’s rhythms mirror the rhythms of nature.

Watch emotional eating. Do you turn to the chocolate or coffee when you feel overwhelmed or exhausted at work? Do you dig into a bag of chips when you feel lonely? If so, try to consciously make a different choice like taking a brief walk or having a cup of herbal tea and see how you feel.

Do table meditation. Before eating, take a moment to close your eyes. Bring your attention to your belly and breathe slowly. Ask yourself, “What do I really need?” Before eating, ask yourself, “Am I hungry, or am I just angry (tired, lonely, exhausted, bored, etc.)?” This is the crucial moment where we have the capacity to move from the unconscious realm of compulsive and dysfunctional behavior, and into the realm of awareness and calm. From this place, we have better access to the inner teacher that knows what we need for nourishment and strength.

This article was originally published in the Yoga Journal Blog on January 26, 2012.

Sex and the Three Doshas

We are all a composite of all three doshas. There are times when you may feel like making love like a bunny (vata style) or lounging about like a tigress (kapha style). Remember, you have all of nature’s gifts at your disposal, so don’t put yourself in a sexual doshic box.

That said, we do have tendencies that we were born with, and those tendencies lead us toward behaviors, which in turn have their own doshic expressions. For example, vata is the part of our sexual expression that is mobile. When vata is balanced, we have freedom of movement, but also the ability to hold back our climax. When out of balance, climax can happen too fast and sex can leave us feeling depleted and breathless. Pitta is the part of our sexuality that relates to sexual vitality and vigor. It is the part of us that initiates sex and feels the burning passion for our lover. When out of balance, we may have no desire. Kapha sexuality is related to our sexual staying power, potency, and physical unctuousness. When in balance, our sex secretions are of good quantity and quality. Excess kapha can lead to sexual laziness and a heavy quality to lovemaking.

Sexual expression is all about expansiveness. Through the union of two beings, and orgasm, there is a potentiality to experience a state of consciousness very different from the consciousness you hold, say, in line at the post office or on the phone with your mother (thank God). Due to this potential for expansion, sex can be incredibly healing or incredibly destructive.

Healthy, life-bringing, satisfying sex requires open channels. Think of the entire mind/body as a complex and interrelated system of physical and energetic tubes (srotas and nadis). Just as there are channels that move our blood, lymph, and waste products, there are also channels that move our sex

ual energy. In general, if we are blocked in any of the channels, our sexual energy can be blocked. This is why chronically constipated women commonly suffer from depressed libido and sleep disorders, in that both sleep and sex require a relaxing and an opening in the channels that govern letting go.

Similarly, if we are worried or unsatisfied, our sex channels get blocked. In this holistic framework, taking care of your digestion, skin, and emotions can create a mandala-like positive effect on every other realm of your life. Who would have thought it? Igniting the power of your digestion may be the best way to have more fulfilling orgasms.

~Katie

How to Stay Warm, Wet and Loved Up Like a Tigress This Fall

My new plant-crush is on an herb called Kapikacchu. Its a natural source of levadopa (L-dopa) which is an essential precursor to the neurotransmitter dopamine. And um, can you say “in the mood?” Here are some good links and info on my favorite How to Stay Fabulous in Fall Ayurveda products.

Sleep like a sweet baby with jasmine and sesame oil for the scalp and head -an ancient Ayurvedic method for calming the system before sleep.

Feel as strong as a horse with Ashwaghanda tincture – Ashwagandha is one of the most highly regarded and commonly used adaptogens in the Ayurvedic pharmacopoeia. Maximizing the body’s ability to resist stress, it enables the body to reserve and sustain vital energy throughout the day while promoting sound, restful sleep at night. It is considered one of the best herbs for calming vata and for revitalizing the male reproductive system. Used by both men and women, it maintains proper nourishment of the tissues, particularly muscle and bone, while supporting proper function of the adrenals. This potent herb is used to promote muscle strength and to support comfortable joint movement.

Have a happy baby belly – Vata Digest’s heating quality enkindles the digestive fire, stimulates a healthy appetite and helps ensure that nutrients are properly absorbed and assimilated. Its grounding quality helps calm the excessive air movement in the system that is characteristic of vata. The oil quality of the herbs supports the natural lubrication of the intestines, assisting in thorough and healthy elimination.

Make love like a tiger with Kapikacchu. This beautiful plant is a nutritive tonic commonly used in Ayurveda as an aphrodisiac and to support proper function of the reproductive system. It increases sexual energy and strengthens and tones the reproductive organs. In men, kapikacchu supports potency, stamina and control. In women it promotes a healthy libido and fertility. The vitality bestowed by kapikacchu nourishes the entire body and calms the nerves making it an excellent rejuvenative for vata. It is also natural source of levadopa (L-dopa) which is an essential precursor to the neurotransmitter dopamine.

~Katie

Meditation for Building and Healing Sexual Energy

You can do this meditation sitting down, but I find it helpful to lie down with some support under my spine, such as a folded blanket or a bolster. Try working with this practice for at least 40 days, for 15-45 minutes daily.

Close your eyes and let your body relax and settle into its connection to the earth. Feel that you are in a nurturing, soothing place, and that you are fully safe to relax and let go. Notice, for a few minutes, the simple miracle of the breath. The inhale raises the navel center away from you, without you trying, and lowers the belly back onto you as you breathe out. Again, try not to try. Simply watch the belly as you become more and more relaxed.

Now, begin to smooth and even out the inhale and exhale. Take a few minutes to get the inhale and exhale as smooth and even as possible. The more relaxed you become, the subtler the breath becomes. Now, begin to remember love. Remember a time when you felt totally in love, totally safe, and totally nurtured. Take a few minutes to be in this memory of sweet love.

Slowly begin to become aware of where you feel love in your body. What is it like? Is it open or closed? Is it warm or cold? Expanded or contracted? Why does it feel good? Begin to let this love spread to your entire being. Rest for a moment in the love. Anytime you feel yourself coming into self-judgment, come back to the remembrance of love. Tell yourself, “My darling, you are seen; you are loved.” Talk to you inner being like a little girl. Tell her everything is going to be okay. (We do this “little girl” talk because many of our holding patterns are stored from child and girlhood.)

Begin to bring your attention into the space around your tailbone area, all the way around to your pubis and up to the space just below the navel. Blow your awareness up like a balloon at

this area. Breathe in and feel your inhale inhabit your pelvic floor. Breathe out. Breathe in and feel your inhale inhabit your lower back. Breathe out. Breathe in and feel your inhale inhabit your right hipbone. Breathe out. Breathe in and feel your inhale inhabit your left hipbone. Breathe out. Now, breathe in and feel your inhale inhabit your entire pelvic bowl (sense this pelvic area that sits low and deep under your belly), the sacred sacrum, the holy place. Take a few minutes to let your awareness swirl around as love and energy in your sacred bowl. Search out any areas that may feel blocked.

When you find these spots, you can see them as blockages sitting on the vast creative capacity you hold in this area of the body, the seat of all rejuvenation and creation. It also sits on the sweet pleasure that your pelvic bowl holds for you. Let your awareness stay in these spots, and keep breathing love, allowing your attention and focus to penetrate the dark corners of your feminine heart. Remember, energy follows focus. The more you can soften into love and send your focus to the stickiness, the greater the chance that the blockage can dissolve and resolve itself. Keep moving your awareness through the visualization and allowing the energy to open and disperse any blocks in your womb.

Finally, there may come a moment when the womb area is just so full of light and openness that you can abandon the technique and simply enjoy breathing into the new space you have created there. Now would be a good time to begin to chant a mantra into the energetic womb connection you have created. The mantra som (pronounced sohm) is an excellent healing tonic for this area.

To come out of the meditation, simply deepen your breath, offering gratitude for the practice. Slowly begin to move your body and come back.

~Katie

*This is drawn from the Sexy section of Healthy, Happy, Sexy. For more healthy, happy goodness to keep on your kitchen counter and nightstand, you can order your own copy here.